This Thing Called Love

I’ve been thinking about this thing called love and began to wonder why it’s so easy for me to walk into it and right back out if the situation calls for my immediate departure.  I do know that I don’t “fall” in love.  What I do is walk deliberately and consciously in and settle into the comfort of love then decide to treat you as lovingly as you treat me. 

In fact, I’m inclined to believe that it was never any particular “you” that I loved at any particular time.  Rather, it was the way you made me feel that I loved.  Therefore, when any given “you” is no longer willing or capable of making me happy or making me feel good about anything, then I find it pretty near impossible to continue a loving interaction with you. 

I will still love the way you used to make me feel; And in that sense, my love is forever.  It’s the “you” that I no longer want to be with or to act loving toward.  And if that is the case, then it wasn’t that I loved “you,” really.  It was the way you made me feel that I loved.

Some call me fickle; but I just think it’s natural to no longer act or feel loving toward someone who no longer provokes those feelings in you.  The way I see it, how can anyone love someone who always makes them sad, always makes them feel bad or causes them pain more often than not… even if unintentional. 

Don’t get me wrong; I can still feel a certain human kinship toward anyone, I guess (and I may or may not want anything bad to happen to you… depending on how much you pissed me off during our relationship; but that’s not love.

Maybe that explains why I’m so willing to be loving again with Leon.  He makes me happy and tries to keep me that way.  He treats me with kindness, he’s caring, patient, and generous with me.  How could I not love that? 

Notice I said “that” and not “him.”  Well, that’s because I know if he stops treating me the way he now treats me and stops making me feel the way he makes me feel right now, I can and will walk away with my heart fully intact with no love lost. And that’s because I will still love the way he made me feel… that love will never end.