Moonlight Spy

“I was just calling to say goodnight. I’m really tired so I’m gonna turn in early. I’ll call you in the morning, Champ. Love you.”

Champ is the name Leon gave me after I slugged him in the jaw during the last run in I had with Gail. I wear that title proudly knowing that I don’t take advantage of it and I punch folks in the face only when I have to… when I’m provoked. And he’s provoking me again with this new attack on my intelligence because I know damn well when you get that particular call from your man as early as eight in the evening and he ain’t even 40 years old yet, nine times out of ten he’s not really tired; he’s just getting you out of the way so he won’t have to worry about you calling him later … when he’s getting it on with his other woman.

I hadn’t long left Leon’s house after spending the previous two nights with him, and no sooner than I arrived at my evening job, the phone rang and I answered to a fake yawn on the other end. I knew right off the bat what he was up to when he told me how tired he was because for one thing, he hadn’t done anything over the last two nights that burned up that much energy, if you know what I mean… heh heh. Leon had been spreading himself thin from the moment we first met, dividing his time equally between Gail and me and scheduling our visits to suit him. I would get a couple nights with him, then Gail would get her turn; and the other days or nights were reserved for Leon’s poker games or whatever other event called him away from his double life. It wasn’t like I didn’t have my suspicions already, but at this point I had removed all blinders since I was over the shock of his being so dishonest from the start.

I was at work when I got Leon’s “good night” call and I had some reports to complete before my shift ended. I must say, it was difficult to stay focused on the job at hand with visions of Gail “peeing on the sheets” again; and that old IBM keyboard felt the brunt of all my frustration as I banged out medical documents with a ferocity that rivaled the vicious thoughts that were burning up cells on the right side of my brain.

This man is going to be the death of me yet. Here I am working two jobs just to keep myself occupied after our last heart-wrenching breakup, and now I have to spend my night moonlighting as a spy?!

When you are preoccupied with thoughts of how you might inflict the greatest amount of bodily injury on someone who has breached your trust once again, you lose precious time out of your own life. I realized this when I glanced up at the clock on the wall a few minutes after Leon’s call and noticed that four hours had actually slipped by! The moment of truth had arrived and it was time to close up shop and find the nearest phone booth to dress for my third job. I needed to put an end to all his lying and cheating once and for all… This was a job for Super Sleuth.

It was late and traffic was light, so within minutes of leaving my office I was turning off the main street that lead to Leon’s house and driving up his block. As I approached his house, I slowed down and reached for the knob to turn down my radio. We all know how distracting noise can be when we’re trying to concentrate; and I needed to be able to see without my vision being obstructed by all the music playing in the background.

By this time in our relationship Leon had gotten accustomed to my keen intuition and my tendency to listen to my instincts, so he made sure Gail parked her little red Geo in front of his Jaguar under the breezeway. Her car was parked so far ahead of his, it was obvious to me his intent was to keep it from being spotted if a suspicious girlfriend happened to pass by in the middle of the night.

As I drove past his house slowly approaching the driveway, I glanced up and saw the glow of lights coming from his bedroom window. I then turned left into his driveway and pulled directly behind his car in the circular drive. I didn’t bother to park out of his view just in case he glanced out the window. My focus and my anger made it impossible for me to give a damn what he saw, so there was no need for parking down the street this time. I don’t know why I even thought of knocking anyway considering he wouldn’t answer the door. Why would he answer once he knew I was outside while his other woman was inside?

The problem I had with his not answering, is it was me standing on the outside being ignored instead of Gail. He got away with that shit with her; but Nay-Nay don’t play! His refusal to answer his door can’t stop me from getting in. I’m Super Sleuth… nothing could stop me!

Because of the late hour the only sound filling the night air was the familiar chorus of crickets. They were singing about whatever it is that makes nocturnal critters so damn happy late at night.

However, being the considerate and kindhearted person that I am, I didn’t want to disturb the choir or risk waking any sleeping neighbors with loud banging or equally loud demands that he open the fucking door or else! Plus all that useless knocking—that was Gail’s style, not mine. I needed results and I intended to get them. Mind made up, I politely tipped around to the front of the house, picked up the biggest brick I could find and hurled it straight through the small window of his front door, reached in and unlocked the door then let myself in.

Before Leon could make it down the stairs to block me off at the pass, I was already up stairs and in his bedroom. I barged in just in time to see Gail fumbling around trying to lift her double D’s up from her waist to stuff them into her bra.

As soon as I entered the bedroom, Leon ran toward me and grabbed me but he could not stop me. I had stepped outside of myself momentarily and could not be controlled. I flailed about, yanking myself from his grasp, pounding at his chest while spewing obscenities not typical of a lady but accurately conveying exactly what I thought of him that very moment.

Even though I was hitting Leon, I was definitely more angry with myself for trusting him again after all his lies. And I told him right then and there he needed to make a choice… it’s either me or Gail. But that nonsense was blurted out before I came to my senses and realized how stupid it was for me to give him the impression he was the one who had a choice in the matter. I immediately took back my demand and told him to stay the hell out of my life and to never call me again.

Before the drama of that night ended, Leon found himself caught between the two women he had been betraying for the past year; and he stood there looking defeated as he sheepishly apologized to the both of us for all his careless indiscretions. And because at that point Gail and I both decided we had enough, we closed out that episode with the two of us leaving his house together… with Leon concluding that the best thing for him and everyone else was for him to spend some time alone.

I didn’t hear from Leon again until about a month later; but by that time I was hanging out with a local news reporter who I had met during one of our previous breakups.

Harry and I hit it off instantly when we first met and enjoyed each other tremendously; but I was still pining for Leon at the time so the reporter and I went our separate ways after Leon reeled me back in hook, line, and sinker with a new shiny promise of fidelity as bate. But that wasn’t the last time I saw my good buddy Harry. I’ll have to let you know some other time whether or not Harry’s wildest dreams came true… if only for one night.