Diamond in the Rough

As I’ve already said, early in our relation it became apparent that Leon was still seeing his “ex” but I didn’t entirely give up on him because I also saw a lot of good in him and I really believed we could get beyond the infidelity. I saw his heart and I knew he had a good one. I don’t believe anyone should be defined by one flaw; I think we should consider the entire person. It is my belief that we have to look deeper. We must sift through the dirt to find the gold, so to speak… especially if we find a lot of redeeming qualities in someone. A diamond may be covered in dirt, but that does not mean it has no value; it just means we will never know it’s a diamond or that it has value if we don’t brush away the dirt.

I know the thought of putting up with a man’s “wicked ways” can be difficult when it feels like you’re being made a fool; but you shouldn’t throw out the baby with the bath water!  If you decide to take my advice and hang in there with someone who has been dishonest, you do have to let them know that you know what’s up, that you are not blind or dumb.  I knew I was gonna try my best to stick it out and win this battle of the hearts in our annoying little threesome; but because I didn’t want Leon to think I was naïve or blind to what he was doing, I sent him the following greeting card…

I really want this relationship to work; and I’m willing to do whatever it takes, even if it means not asking you where you really were when you returned my call last night. If loving you means accepting your lies, then I’ll try to understand your need to do so. I only hope there will come a time when you no longer feel that need.

A special note to any young woman reading my letters and diaries

Staying with someone who lies and cheats is not advised across the board.  You have to use your best judgment. If you’re in a relationship with an abusive, low-down, dirty dog, leave the jerk ASAP!  I stayed with my “cheating” man right from the start because his cheating was the only real flaw I saw; and I didn’t believe it was his true nature. I put the word “cheating” in quotes because I believe that denying yourself can also be considered cheating, but in that case you’re cheating yourself.  If you’re not moving through your life and your struggles the way you see fit, then you’re cheating yourself. Leon chose not to cheat himself and I chose to deal with it.

We all handle things the best way we know how.  We can never be more than the sum of our own experiences.  I didn’t walk away when I was being lied to and cheated on because of who I was at the time.  My past experiences allowed me to stay long enough to look beyond Leon’s flaws–not to accept them, but to see past them and look for reason.  By looking beyond what was happening right before my eyes, I eventually found a real diamond beneath all the dirt.

Truth is, I could only be myself and he could only be himself. By being myself, I became the experience in his life that brought him to where he is today.  You will understand more once you have read my entire diary. Maybe you should start with “He Really Is A Good Man” and you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about.